there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i think i just lost a toe
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
