she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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