just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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