does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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