Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you will always have a special place in my vag
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
