Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
