god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
