you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
