Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
