That's when you crack a 10am beer
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
