Your face is a jimmy john
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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