So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
