dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
