No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
