coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
