If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"