im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
