i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
