1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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