am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You left your phone here
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