I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him