uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you