ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize