well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.