I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
