Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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