She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
