I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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