3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She is in my trunk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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