Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
