My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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