So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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