Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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