Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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