party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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