Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
