Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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