Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
