Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
