I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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