Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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