I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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