I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
