Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
