I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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