He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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