her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
