I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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