If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
