he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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