i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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