I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
