never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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