He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
