I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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