Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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