your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize