apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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