At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
