I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
