I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
