remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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