I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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