i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
