I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
