Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
