The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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