2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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