FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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