I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
