Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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