I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize