good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
