so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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