Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
