So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
