He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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