I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am available for nakedness
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
