So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Floor bacon is actually really good
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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