Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
